Before I can even begin to assess whether I've done enough to help others in 2011, I have to attempt to define what "enough" means. It is technically considered to signify the point at which a need is met fully, but in everyday consideration, it's always subjective. Have I done enough? Have you? Has anyone?
In March I will become a father for the first time, and the rush of Christmas season has me considering how I will introduce this tradition to my child. I hold no contempt for families that celebrate the season by exchanging gifts; I've been part of just such a family for my entire life. But lately I've been thinking about how to help instill a sense of empathy in my child. How can I make sure they understand that many, many other children aren't fortunate enough to open gifts on Christmas? How can they appreciate what they have without developing that pernicious character flaw: entitlement?
But then, if I'm so concerned about my child's sense of empathy, I have to interrogate myself on the same grounds. Am I showing the same compassion I'd expect from my child? Am I participating in the kinds of activities that ameliorate the suffering of others, or perhaps the kinds of activities that give others more opportunities to succeed?
The honest answer is that I don't know, and I doubt it. I do not write this post to enumerate the charitable acts I've undertaken recently, but instead to reflect on whether the fact that I failed to do more should weigh on my conscience. For example, a few weekends ago, my wife and I watched a movie. That is leisure time that I could have spent serving meals or working at a shelter. Some afternoons I spend reading, when I could be reading to children and working with impoverished kids on improving literacy.
If you want to get really reductive, you could argue that every leisure activity - every activity that entertains or satisifes only the person doing it - is a missed opportunity to do something for someone else. How many hours did I spend this year playing golf? Wouldn't the world be a bit more pleasant if I had spent those hours mentoring children?
The brilliant comedian Louis CK
recently observed that it's far easier to think of doing nice things than to actually follow through and do them. He mentioned that he has repeatedly flown first-class, and noticed a soldier heading back to coach. Louis explained that he envisions himself offering his seat for the soldier who has been serving the country, but has never once actually done so. "I've never seriously even really came close," Louis told a crowd for a recent comedy special. "I've had so many opportunities. And here's the worst part: I still allow myself to enjoy the fantasy -- for myself to enjoy. I was actually proud of myself! 'I am such a sweet man. That is no nice of me to think of doing that and then totally never do it.'"
Similarly, I confess to spending plenty of time passing on Facebook memes without doing the kind of work that would make those memes unnecessary.
On many occasions it's difficult not to feel disappointed in myself. I was born a white male in a middle-class family in the United States of America. If life were a game of euchre, I'd have been dealt both bowers. Spending time to entertain myself is a little over-the-top, right?
But then, there is the notion that a good, productive life is itself an act of service to society. Sure, the objectivists, the Randians would agree, but I think this line of thinking appeals to a wider audience. Are you a nice person? Do you pay your bills and take care of your family? Do you work? Then your contributions are decidedly "enough," without delving into voluntary acts of charity.
My feelings vacillate. Some mornings I wake up feeling like a content objectivist, happy to go to work and carve out my contribution in that fashion. Some mornings I wake up almost overcome with guilt as I see the pile of receipts from this weekend's activities.
I can recall going to Toys 'R' Us one December and seeing how many fun toys I could purchase for $100. My wife and I delivered the haul to an organization helping kids in need. I felt great. These days I'd probably feel good for an hour, then return home to see an even more expensive gift ear-marked for a family member who might not even use it or like it. I'm careful not to pat myself on the back too hard for any small burst of charitable contribution.
In the end, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes "enough." And we'll probably find that the definition changes often. I only know that I'll continue to consider it, in true pained existentialist fashion, and at least settle on the fact that I could always do more - but then, there's another utterly subjective term. More.
